Sex with your ex…

Interesting topic isn’t it?

Should you have sex with someone you just broke up with?

For me, I don’t think a person should because the feelings you have for your ex will not go away and it would not help the healing process at all.
I don’t believe sex can just be sex for anyone no matter the situation, there is always some sort of emotion attached to it and I think it will be irresponsible for two people who just broke up to share that intimacy. It just would not make any sense whatsoever.
There are people who may call that goodbye sex but again that makes no sense, just keep your horniness in check, get a toy and you will be fine

Inked!!

Sooooooo I finally did it…

I GOT INKED BITCHES!!

First off, let me just say, tattoos fucking hurt ok? Don’t let anyone tell you differently, it hurts like FUCK!! lol. Make sure you have someone with you who is willing to give you their hand and let you practically mangle it with the tight gripping of it. (thanks babes for being there for me when everybody else ducked out)
It was one hell of an experience, I’ll say that much and it turned out great. I absolutely love it, no doubt about it, it combines music and rainbows, what else could a music loving lesbian ask for right? :p
Right now, it’s going through its ugly stage before it gets any better, it stings a little bit and I have to keep avoiding people who tend to hit me in that area from time to time but it’s only for a little while.
I can’t help but stare at it though, I can’t believe I actually did it. I have been talking about it for over three years now, and I just decided two days before that I was going to do it. I said FUCK IT!! lol and so I did.
One interesting thing though, I learnt a few things while being in a tattoo shop, big men DO cry, especially when they have to do big tribal tattoos with a lot of shading and when you are in immense pain, the fact that random men are seeing you half naked while your tattoo is being done means nothing.

If you have been thinking of doing one but never got around to doing it, take my advice…DO IT TOMORROW

sToP cOnFuSiNg Me :(

Maybe it’s pms I don’t really know, all I know is that today is the first day since our breakup that I feel bummy.
Yes I miss you and I wished things would’ve worked out but truth be told I am not sad because of that, I am sad because I want to move on with my life without you playing any major role in it at this point in time and it seems like you do not want me to do that.
As I told you before, all my heart knew was you, the happiness and the heartbreak you brought to it. I need to just get over that. Now you insist we talk and maintain some kind of friendship right now and I have accepted that although I would be fine with no contact whatsoever but it is a new year, let’s try something different. Admittedly, you do not call or text much which is fine but when you do honestly it stings to hear how we speak to each other, you know why…IT IS TOO SOON! two weeks ago, although you were cold and distant and making me feel like shit sometimes, we were still together. Now you want us to be friends, and we will but not right now. It took me a year to be great friends with my first girlfriend and that was definitely a tough journey but we got through it and she is one of my closest friends to this date.
I want that for us, I just don’t think it can happen if you continue to confuse me. You may ask why I say confuse, I say that because this weekend you called and texted, granted I didn’t respond as I was spending some time with family but you seemed upset that I didn’t answer you. I don’t know what you want me to do…I just want to leave the whole you and me scenario in the past and see what this new year has to offer me.

Thank God for this blog or else I would’ve lost my mind

Oh Haiti…

I typed in Haiti devestation in Google images to get photos for my blog but the interesting thing is not only did pictures of the earthquake come up but homes underwater after heavy rains, people dead in the street due to political unrest, poverty…this country has seen it all in less than a couple of years. You can’t help but wonder…what next for this country.
There is so much I can say about this tragedy, it has really affected the world. Images from the news, videos from the internet are just showing how lost these people are. They just have this blank look in their eyes, like they have not come to terms with the fact that this has happened and their country is in turmoil.
Help is pouring in from all corners of the Earth for this country, young and old are trying to find ways to get help across. Someone pointed out to me that during a crisis people tend to come together and you see the good come out in people and that is what has happened worldwide. Countries, who themselves have their own struggles and issues found funds somewhere and sent it out to Haiti. Haiti has really suffered so much.
I wondered how many of my friends and family thanked the Lord for allowing them to be alive for another day because while we lay in our beds and curse because we have to get up early to get ready for work, there are people still pulling out their dead family members from the rubble that was once their home and wondering where they were going to live and where their next meal was going to come from.
Do people realise how lucky they are???!!!! I hope so, I sure do…
Lord, I pray to you for Haiti, I pray that those people who have survived this deadly earthquake have not lost hope in You Lord, I pray that they may get through this and that their suffering will end. Lord watch over them, forgive them of their sins, bless them, protect them. May those who have lost their lives, rest in peace and I pray that the help will continue to poor in to help this country get back on its feet. In Your name I pray, Amen.

Detox

I need to detox.
I need to detox myself from you. For almost two years, all my heart knew was you. Now my heart beats differently as you are not around. It has nothing to do with being hurtful, or immature, this is just me. I need a complete break….mind, body and soul from you.
I need to remember what it was like before you came into the picture, i need to feel that YES it’s over, I now have to take the time, to lick my wounds and see to it that they heal properly.
If you think, things will be ok between us and that I do not need this time to myself, I guess we are on different wavelengths.
I must stress…ALL MY HEART KNEW WAS YOU! Now it has to learn to beat without you in it. My heart has been battered and bruised too much, it can’t take anymore, just give me a chance to heal, I beg of you

KABOOM!!!

Ah yes…as I predicted, there was a bomb and it exploded!

Sigh…
Time has always been an issue for our relationship from the get go, we both lead hectic lives and it has always been difficult to make time for each other although we tried so hard. Alas, time has once again made our relationship come to a standstill and this time it isn’t going to move anywhere anytime soon.
We have been here a few times before, and each time you say to me, I AM HAPPY, I LOVE YOU but you’re not. Stop fooling yourself, being happy doesn’t make you distant and cold. Your major concern is losing me. I have said this to you many times before, YOU ARE NOT GOING TO LOSE ME. I may take time for myself and truth be told I do not know how long that will be, but at any moment you absolutely need me, you can call, I’ll be right here.
I’m typing this and may sound like I’m fine with the fact that my relationship is practically over but I’m not. This is HARD AS FUCK! But, there’s nothing I can do, I accept and I move on. I just wish you would’ve told me how you truly felt when I asked you repeatedly if everything was ok but then as I said in my previous post, I didn’t believe you.
I just want to move on with my life, continue going to school and continue going to work, this relationship with you has brought me so much joy and happiness but then so much pain and heartache. I think we should stop trying to make something work that can’t.

I love you baby and I will NEVER stop loving you, please take care of yourself.

Brick by Brick

Brick by brick i build that wall that would protect me from things to come.

For maybe the third or fourth time you have switched into one of those moods where you make me feel like you are pulling away. Without fail, you stop calling, stop texting, and I get that coldness from you that makes me want to go in the corner and cry. I ask you if everything is alright and you maintain that you are ok, “No baby, nothing is wrong, I’m ok.” I don’t believe you but I leave it alone.
You know why I do not believe you because the times before, you said the same thing and then you dropped a BOMB. Either you need time for yourself or just decide that the relationship has gotten monotonous. After the last time, we were ok, THEN we had the biggest argument we ever had and I just let you have it, everything I held in for so long, i screamed, I cussed but you finally knew how I felt and I thought we would’ve been ok but alas the “mood” has come back and this time I am prepared.
I have gotten my bricks, my cement, my barbed wire and my pitbulls ready. My wall is in construction because I can sense it, it’s coming that BOMB and when it does I’ll be ready. With the wall comes a level of detachment, I have to detach or else I will be a crying mess again, I’m tired of crying. I just hope when that BOMB drops and the dust settles, we’ll be standing there together, if not just know you would forever be the queen of my heart, I love you with all of my being and I wanted so much for us…. sigh I just love you

Life…Death

Life is so fragile…

I thank God as often as I could for allowing me to see another year because as I get older I realise that I am so lucky to still be alive to experience all the love and fun and hard work and stress that life has to offer.
So many persons have gone before me, and in such horrific ways, accidents, murders, illness and I am still here. I know I have to go sometime I just hope I get to do almost everything I want to do before I go.
The theatre and teaching world in Trinidad and Tobago recently lost a stalwart in the business. Mairoon Ali. She was 55 years old. It was so sudden, her son, found her laying on the bathroom floor last Sunday. When I heard the news, I cried. I am usually an emotional person but this really hit me. Why? Ms Ali taught me in primary school what Americans call elementary. She taught me choral speaking and I had so much fun with her, she taught me how to really express my words at certain points when reading or reciting to an audience.
After she left the school I never met up with her again until three months ago where I interviewed her. I learned so much about her in that hour and a half. She loved tennis, she loved her children, she loved her mother and what she taught her, she loved her friends, her family, she just loved. I admired her even more at that point. She taught me a lesson as well, something her mother told her when she was a child. Her mother used to give money and food to the drug addicts who lived on the street and one day Ms Ali asked her mom why help addicts and her mother told her, once you can help someone, help them and that stuck with her all her life and I am going to live by that as well. After her death, I read over the article that i wrote and ending the article was a question I asked her. Where do you see yourself in the next five, ten years and she said she wanted to retire to a small island and just enjoy life. Sigh. I know she’s in a better place and may she continue to rest in peace.

My advice to anyone who reads this: Cherish your life, cherish those who mean the world to you and never take God out of your life he is the one that makes it whole.

Curious

I love my friends. Their curiosity cracks me up…lol

They are the biggest bunch of crazy ass people you will ever meet. Like tonight, my good friend who we call JuJu celebrated her birthday so we decided to go to TGI’s. We ate, we drank, we had a good time.
While all of this is going on the topic of sex comes up…as always. Now JuJu and I are the only flaming lesbians in the group so of course these curious straight minds have a long list of questions. So here are some of them that was thrown our way:
What does it taste like?
How exactly do you have sex?
Do you prefer toys?
What is rubbing?
When did you lose your virginity?
Can a girl lose her virginity by having sex with another girl?
And the list goes on…of course they got all of their questions answered. They are just too cute, with their curious faces…lol.
So for those who may also have these questions let me answer it for you
I can’t give an exact description of what it tastes like, I just love it.
I have sex just like any other “straight” woman it’s just that my significant other does not come with a penis.
I don’t have a preference.
“Rubbing” is where two women put themselves in a position where there clitorises rub against each other.
I officially lost my virginity this year
Yes a girl can, you do not need a penis to lose it.

Anymore questions can be asked, I will answer them the best I can.

Frustration

At the beginning, when I first started blogging I wrote about a time where I was so frustrated with my relationship that I wanted to scream but I have since moved on from that but I have been noticing a trend that has been occuring for over a month now.
With wordpress’ option to check out your statistics and what people type in search engines that directs them to your blog I have noticed that dozens of people are typing in the word frustration. It makes me wonder with everything that is going on in the world these days, no wonder people are frustrated. The economy, the climate and the environment, the crime in some countries.
The question is, what do you do when there are so many frustrating elements going on around you? Do you try to fix it or do you just ignore it?
In my opinion ignoring it just makes it worse, trying to find solutions that can help ease the frustration is the better bet. I believe you do not have to have a pHD or some kind of degree to think of ways that can help the world today and I also believe being positive but realistic is key. Don’t think because things are horrible now that they will never get better because that is not true, it will get better but in time, just do not give up.
Also having faith in God is indeed important, just thought I should share this, i hope it gives someone a sense of hope.
Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself.