Life…Death

Life is so fragile…

I thank God as often as I could for allowing me to see another year because as I get older I realise that I am so lucky to still be alive to experience all the love and fun and hard work and stress that life has to offer.
So many persons have gone before me, and in such horrific ways, accidents, murders, illness and I am still here. I know I have to go sometime I just hope I get to do almost everything I want to do before I go.
The theatre and teaching world in Trinidad and Tobago recently lost a stalwart in the business. Mairoon Ali. She was 55 years old. It was so sudden, her son, found her laying on the bathroom floor last Sunday. When I heard the news, I cried. I am usually an emotional person but this really hit me. Why? Ms Ali taught me in primary school what Americans call elementary. She taught me choral speaking and I had so much fun with her, she taught me how to really express my words at certain points when reading or reciting to an audience.
After she left the school I never met up with her again until three months ago where I interviewed her. I learned so much about her in that hour and a half. She loved tennis, she loved her children, she loved her mother and what she taught her, she loved her friends, her family, she just loved. I admired her even more at that point. She taught me a lesson as well, something her mother told her when she was a child. Her mother used to give money and food to the drug addicts who lived on the street and one day Ms Ali asked her mom why help addicts and her mother told her, once you can help someone, help them and that stuck with her all her life and I am going to live by that as well. After her death, I read over the article that i wrote and ending the article was a question I asked her. Where do you see yourself in the next five, ten years and she said she wanted to retire to a small island and just enjoy life. Sigh. I know she’s in a better place and may she continue to rest in peace.

My advice to anyone who reads this: Cherish your life, cherish those who mean the world to you and never take God out of your life he is the one that makes it whole.

Curious

I love my friends. Their curiosity cracks me up…lol

They are the biggest bunch of crazy ass people you will ever meet. Like tonight, my good friend who we call JuJu celebrated her birthday so we decided to go to TGI’s. We ate, we drank, we had a good time.
While all of this is going on the topic of sex comes up…as always. Now JuJu and I are the only flaming lesbians in the group so of course these curious straight minds have a long list of questions. So here are some of them that was thrown our way:
What does it taste like?
How exactly do you have sex?
Do you prefer toys?
What is rubbing?
When did you lose your virginity?
Can a girl lose her virginity by having sex with another girl?
And the list goes on…of course they got all of their questions answered. They are just too cute, with their curious faces…lol.
So for those who may also have these questions let me answer it for you
I can’t give an exact description of what it tastes like, I just love it.
I have sex just like any other “straight” woman it’s just that my significant other does not come with a penis.
I don’t have a preference.
“Rubbing” is where two women put themselves in a position where there clitorises rub against each other.
I officially lost my virginity this year
Yes a girl can, you do not need a penis to lose it.

Anymore questions can be asked, I will answer them the best I can.

Frustration

At the beginning, when I first started blogging I wrote about a time where I was so frustrated with my relationship that I wanted to scream but I have since moved on from that but I have been noticing a trend that has been occuring for over a month now.
With wordpress’ option to check out your statistics and what people type in search engines that directs them to your blog I have noticed that dozens of people are typing in the word frustration. It makes me wonder with everything that is going on in the world these days, no wonder people are frustrated. The economy, the climate and the environment, the crime in some countries.
The question is, what do you do when there are so many frustrating elements going on around you? Do you try to fix it or do you just ignore it?
In my opinion ignoring it just makes it worse, trying to find solutions that can help ease the frustration is the better bet. I believe you do not have to have a pHD or some kind of degree to think of ways that can help the world today and I also believe being positive but realistic is key. Don’t think because things are horrible now that they will never get better because that is not true, it will get better but in time, just do not give up.
Also having faith in God is indeed important, just thought I should share this, i hope it gives someone a sense of hope.
Today, you should celebrate what an unbelievable life you have had so far: the accomplishments, the many blessings, and, yes, even the hardships because they have served to make you stronger. Just as a gem cannot be polished without friction, nor can a life be perfected without trials. Take a time to acknowledge your life and to praise yourself.

ALICIAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

Sigh…..

Can someone tell me why Alicia Keys is so frigging sexy???!!!
That woman had four grown women, including myself of course wishing they were her microphone, her piano keys and her bottle of water just so we could feel any part of her gorgeous body gently touch us.
Now, my other question is where in the world did Ms Keys DC (yeh she has my last name) learn to dance like that? That just completely convinced me that she was doing those things on purpose, to tease our asses into a coma.
My facebook page was in a mess last night, people were complaining that I was spamming their live feed…lol Sorry peeps I just could not help myself, Alicia was driving me crazy. Every song she sang I screamed, every time she moaned I screamed, every time she laughed,danced, moved, drank a sip of water…I SCREAMED. As you can tell now I’m hoarse but it was not in vain…it was for ALICIA.
I know we live in a fantasy world but that is what makes life interesting…an inventive imagination.
Now I don’t lust after Alicia just because her exterior is so divine, that woman is soooo talented and she seems to be just a pure genuine person with an intense faith in the Father.
As i watched her perform live on YouTube last night, (before moments of passing out because she just blew me away) I thought not many artists with that amount of fame are willing to do things like that anymore, give a concert for something so important as the children being affected in Africa because of HIV/AIDS. Now that is a caring individual. I wish her all the best in her journey.

Thank you

I thank the Lord almost everyday of my life for allowing me to see another day and I ask him to forgive me of my sins and to continue to protect me from all evil and he does and I appreciate that so much but there are people out here especially children who are suffering, who have gone through so much more than some adults have gone through in their lifetime. I pray for them as well and I encourage others to do the same.
Recently I saw two young girls who looked like they were 13 and 15 sitting in a maxi (a mode of transportation in my country) dressed in her school uniform just waiting to reach her destination. Then I saw a wheelchair and I thought damn, i wonder whose own was that and I just shook my head and sighed. When we all got to our destination, these girls took a while to exit the maxi, why? because the eldest of the two had to open the wheelchair and then put the girl’s arms ove her shoulders and lift her out of the maxi and place her on that wheelchair.
I stared, I couldn’t help it, when I looked down, “the 13 year old” had braces on her legs, she couldn’t move them and her sister I’m guessing looked like it was such a norm, she knew that is what she had to do to help. It brought tears to my eyes because as I walked to work this young girl had to be wheeled to where she wanted to go. How heartbreaking…
Recently I listened to a gentleman speak about his cancer foundation set up after his 5 year old son succumbed to a rare form of cancer.
He described how his son had gone through at least five surgeries in such a short lifetime. One surgery was done to remove a tumour from his tongue. They had to saw through his jaw to get to his tongue, cut it in half then attach a piece of his stomach muscle to the piece that was left. WHAT??!! The boy was only 4 at the time…sigh
I wonder if people really understand how lucky they are to never have gone through any time of major surgery, to live to see their adulthood, to just live. I certainly do.
Thank you Lord once again for allowing us to see another day, I thank you for continuing to bless us Lord even though we sin you never stop loving us because you are such an amazing God. Lord watch over these children who spend most of their lives in pain and suffering. I pray for them Lord, if it is meant to be I pray that by your hand Lord, some of these children will be healed, protect them Lord, give their families strength, forgive them of their sins. In your name I pray. Amen.

I cried…

I cried not because I was sad but because I missed you so much and it just felt so good to be in your arms. It completely overwhelmed me and the tears just flowed.
I smile now, when I remember seeing such concern in your eyes, you looked at me, wondering what was wrong, you looked like you were ready to cry too but I just couldn’t stop. All i could have done at that point was look at you, hold your head in my hands and tell you that I love you.
When I finally told you the reason I was crying, you apologised…why? Don’t say sorry baby, you didn’t do anything, we both need to dedicate more time for us and once we do that, we’ll be fine.
You hugged and kissed me and that brought a smile to my face and my heart.
With your embrace, I felt something, something completely unexplainable…wow, just thinking about it now, leaves me speechless. As your hands caressed me, you raised every single pore, my heart raced and I smiled because it felt so good.
Sigh…baby you are all I want and could ever need, I honestly thank God everyday for you, you continue to make me the happiest woman in the world.

Finally!!

Soooooooo since I posted a while ago that I was going to the library I must admit I only went today. I picked up two interesting novels:


I can’t wait to dive in to those pages

Butterflies

You still give me butterflies…

I get butterflies when I see your name come up on my phone when you call. I feel them flutter their wings even faster when you are right next to me. I’m nervous, I’m excited just to be near you.
When I see you, I can’t help but stare…I stare at your big beautiful eyes, i look down and I see your luscious lips and I cant help but bite mine…fucking sexy.

You have no clue what you do to me from the moment I see you.

I get weak when you put your arms around me and give me that hug that says baby you are safe with me. My knees buckle, the butterflies leave my tummy and fly up to my heart. Their wings beat against it so loudly that I always think you hear it too. When you finally let go and you take hold of my hand, baby you raise my pores every single time without fail. Far less when you put your lips on mine, I feel like I’m about to pass out, you honestly take my breath away. Those little things that you do, make me feel like the luckiest woman in the world.

You are the queen of my heart…I love you and I hope these butterflies never go away.

Losing Touch

I saw this last week while on my way to work and I could not help but walk slower to admire it.

Look at it, for me it just made me think WOW…look at what God made, isn’t it gorgeous. Something as simple as clouds scattered with an early morning sunshine just made me realise I am losing touch with my Father.
Sigh…

I was “christened” into the Catholic church, I grew up in it, Sunday School, First Communion, Choir, Reading the Bible, Confirmation, Choir and then I got older and because of laziness and the call of television I stopped going to church.
Then it got to a point where my mother was forcing me to go and when I did I never focused on what was said by the priest, not because I didn’t want to, believe me I tried but the priest was delivering a message with such a lack of enthusiasm it just didn’t keep me interested in his homily. Isn’t a priest supposed to inspire his congregation?

Getting past the laziness and the lack of inspiration as I got older and I started living my life as a young gay woman going to church and listening to the messages that the Catholic Church especially from Pope Benedict was spreading about homosexuality really upset me. Mr Pope on many occasions has condemned homosexuality but has not to my knowledge condemned rape, or murder or anything of the sort but homosexuality is soooooo bad that the POPE has to condemn it. How could I be a part of a religion that condemns my lifestyle like it’s the most evil thing that is responsible for the world the way it is today?
So with all that, I decided you know what, this religion thing is going to lead me down a path of complete confusion. These religious leaders think they know everything about God but they don’t and the only one to judge me is Him. I know my Lord loves me, I know and when that time comes for me to meet him we are going to have a loooooong chat to clear up this homosexuality thing.

I am just going to talk to my Lord as much as I want, pray to him, and seek guidance for my life. I was doing that until I realised I stopped. Why did I stop?

Lord, I am sorry, I need you in my life, I don’t ever want to abandon you again. Just praying to you my simple prayers bring me such peace, I love you Lord for blessing me with simple things like a roof over my head, family and friends that care for me Lord these things that so many people around the world have never or will ever see. Lord, I am a sinner, and I ask you for forgiveness, I ask you to forgive my family, friends and enemies of theirs Lord. Thank you for allowing me to see another day the same way I saw it right before I went to sleep. I thank you Lord for being in my life and blessing me Lord. I want to do better, I want to be closer to you and to bring others closer to you as well, I will do better, in your name I pray, Amen.

Risk

Why don’t people realise that taping or photographing yourself having sex is a HUGE risk. Why a risk?
Because most times it ends up on the internet feeding those with an insatiable voyeuristic appetite.

Haven’t we as up to date “hip” people of this generation learnt from the mistakes that celebrities made with regards to these videos…taping themselves with their partner showing off their very extremely adventurous side…sigh!

Of course it’s easy to see that another video or in this case a series of videos have hit the web and is being circulated probably 10,000 times a minute…it is on everybody’s lips, it is in everybody’s inbox.
I always wonder what does that person who is in the video feels at that point when they realise almost everyone in the country with access to the internet, computer or a phone has seen every inch of their naked body and learnt how freaky they can be. Do they feel to crawl under a rock and never come back out? I sure would.
Or do they say to themselves you know what frig this shit YEH so what…i’m a freak! WHAT!! lol very rarely someone would think like that because you think of the embarrassment it brings to you and your family, how do you come back from something like that?

I say person but I really mean a woman because as a close friend was saying if a girl is seen in a sex tape she’s a whore but if the guy is seen he becomes this big stud, basically praised by his fellow men, double standards again.

Now, don’t get me wrong, whatever floats your boat do it, who am I to stop anyone? but please please be careful with the merchandise because in this particular case it was a matter of wickedness on someone who was trusted to fix a computer but also carelessness on the owner’s part. My advice to people, if you MUST make videos, watch it a few times and delete it…it really is too risky.

To that young lady in those videos, I don’t judge you one bit, I must admit I was surprised but stuff happens you can get over this, the entire thing will die down eventually. Be brave, pray, the Lord can and will guide you through this…